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Never To Have a Dog Again
Carol Roach
The whole incident with Bandit left a hole in my heart. I had lost my Tuffy - my heart, when she was hit by a car. I then rescued Bandit from the pound only to have to give him back. At least Berger Blanc - the animal shelter's policy is to adopt out all animals. Bandit did find a good home - most likely one that was better than I could ever provide for him.

I knew that I was not about to get a dog soon. First of all the City Of Montreal, my landlord was already upset with me over the whole Bandit ordeal and to turn around and get another dog at this time would be treated as an act of defiance to say the least. I could not tempt faith. I needed their apartment more than they needed me. I would never be able to find affordable housing elsewhere in the city. Having said that even in the low rental I was not able to sustain myself and son on the meager amount I was receiving from the government for loans and bursaries. Unless you have lived like this you cannot begin to understand the terror one feels about losing an apartment. Animals are my life but I rationalized what good is having animals if we all had to live on a park bench because I could not find affordable housing or take apartment after apartment only to be thrown out because I could not pay the rent. Was I selfish to make this choice, I don't know. I wrestled with this notion time and again. When I allow an animal into my home they are family. To me giving up bandit was like giving up a child but it was something that bottom line I knew I had to do.

Being that I was not animal-less after all I did have Tao my precious cat, I decided that I would never have a dog again. I just couldn't bare the pain of giving them up. I did not foresee leaving the city house in the near future. I had seven years of university to complete before my studies were over. Being the pragmatist that I have always been, I certainly hoped to get a good paying job at the end of it but my motto has always been "seeing is believing". I work with the means I have at my disposal and keep all options open. But at this point in my life where dogs were concerned the options were not open. I chose not to pine over not having dogs anymore as I did when I lost Tuffy but just accept that dogs would no longer be a part of my life.

One evening I came home from the library exhausted and actually ready to call it an early night. This was something that I rarely did for I normally came home after midnight and this evening it was rather early. I put the key in the door and when I opened it right in front of my eyes was a little black dog. He just looked at me with his big eyes. He was a Pekinese with the biggest eyes I have ever seen. Actually if you remember the movie The Gremlins that is exactly what he looked like. He was funny looking yet so cute at the same time. And he was so quiet. He just stared up at me with those big eyes.

I figured that my son left him in the house. Probably he had a friend over who brought his dog and they both went out some place most likely to play basketball and left the dog behind. I didn't think much of it and went on with the evening as usual. The dog just quietly laid down beside me in the computer room.

When my son came home I queried him about the dog and he told me that he was selling the dog for his friend. I told him "no way" the dog is not leaving this house. "He is mine now". And that my friends is the story behind how we got Putz. I know, I know, it is a strange name but I thought of hundreds of names and nothing fit and when I came across the name Putz, seemed to fit him to a tee.

Putz was an angel, he was house broken, quiet, and gentle, and never left my side. He actually was quiet lazy. He hardly moved which did not suit my son but he was everything to me. It was so funny to see him try to play with Tao, who still would have nothing to do with him. He was a dog, she was a cat, there was not going to be any cross species playing around as far as she was concerned. But he still tried.

My son's girlfriend, Kandi, had a dog at the time. Cain was a pit bull mix and quite a large dog. Yet he was as silly as they came and still a pup.
Putz was an older dog but when Cain came he was like a pup himself.
They were so funny together frolicking in the yard. Here was this huge dog and this little one smaller than a cat at that. Putz just loved animals and he loved people too especially me. He would not leave my side.

I got the shock of my life one evening though. Cain and Putz were out playing in the yard and Kandi frantically ran up the stairs to the house.
She was yelling "look at Putz's eye look at his eye". I took one look and screamed. It looked like his eye was hanging out of its socket.
It was late at night and it was next to impossible to get a vet. But while I was still on the phone looking for one, the eye went back into place. I checked him out and he seemed to see perfectly fine. We still do not know to this day what happened. The kids took Putz the next day to have him checked by the vet who said everything was fine. But believe me that dog gave me the fear of my life!

Since I already knew about my keen instincts and my psychic ability I should have listened to them instead of ignore them as I had always done.
One night I was sitting down at the computer disparately trying to make the deadline for a term paper that was due the next day. Putz waited patiently to be let out for his evening business. My son announced that he and his friend would take him out as they were going to the store.
Something inside me said that Putz would never be coming back - since I was so tired and overwhelmed with my work I let Steven take the dog out anyhow.

Putz never came back. It was pitch black, the dog was pitch black, the dog was following Steven and his friend to the store faithfully like he always did. The boys were talking and turned around at one point and the dog was not there. They searched as best they could to find him but could not see a thing. My guess is by the time they realized the dog was not following he had already been picked up by someone else. And since Putz was such a gentle dog he would not have made a fuss at all. He would have obediently gone with the stranger.

We put out flyers, and I hounded the pounds daily for a month to see if somebody returned my dog. I had no success in finding him. Putz was gone forever. I could have prevented it if only I had acted on my instincts instead of ignoring them.

Putz indeed became the last dog that I ever owned. I lost him in
1998 and I have never had a dog since.

I never thought that I would love a dog as much as Tuffy - my heart; but I did with Putz, Whereas Tuffy was my heart Putz was my soul.

Carol Roach winterose@videotron.ca
 

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